A visit to the grave
by Sweet-Roxas
Summary: When John dies to save Dean's life. Dean feels that he can't talk to Sam about how he feels then who does Dean talk to it about?...Set after the episode, In my time of dieing.


-1Dean didn't know what to do, yes, another time in Dean's life where he would break down. Never, however, in front of others. Dean stood, staring at the burning flames that contained his fathers body. Dean felt couldn't look away, no matter how much he wanted to. He slightly side glanced to see Sam, who was trying hard not to cry, almost just as much as Dean was. Dean looked away from Sam, Dean however, decided he wasn't going to cry, he couldn't; not in front of Sammy.

Dean ran his hand through his hair, he turned away and walked to his car, the smell of burning flesh beginning to get to him. Sam watched Dean walk away, sighing he turned back to the fire, tears beginning to stream down his face, only as reality hit him that both his parents were now gone.

Now only he had Dean left, Sam turned yet again away from the fire and saw Dean in the Impala. He didn't appear to be doing anything, which sometimes wasn't a good thing for Dean. Sam knew that John meant a lot more to Dean then to Sam himself, Sam had to admit this was the worst he had ever seen his brother. Even when Dean was dieing, this, Sam had to admit was worse. Sam walked up to the Impala and knocked on the window where Dean was sitting, Dean glanced up and slowly unwound the window.

"You okay, Dean?" Sam asked, knowing already the answer. Dean didn't look at Sam, he just kept staring straight ahead into the darkness.

"You know Sammy all the things we've hunted, just to get revenge for that son of a bitch killing mom. But now Dad's dead, what are we supposed too? Hunt forever trying to get revenge for everyone that's died in the hands of evil. Cause I can't do it Sammy, I just, can't" Dean never talked like that, never. Sam was speechless, he had no idea what he was supposed to say. Dean was the one who always encouraged Sam to do things, to help him get over things, now however it was the other way around. Dean shook his head and turned to face Sam.

"Come on, we should get going. Evil's not going to kill itself" Dean said, with no trace of a smile. Sam didn't answer Dean, he just slowly walked to the passenger side of the car and hopped in. As soon as he did so, Dean hit the accelerator and drove off, non to slowly either.

"Dean" Sam said, almost afraid that Dean would speed up, which he did. "You want to slow down a bit?" Dean did, a bit. When they arrived back at the hotel that they were staying at, Dean remained seated, hands clutching the wheel.

"I need to go for a drive, I'll be back soon" Dean said, waiting for Sam to get out of the Impala.

"Dean…" Sam sighed, his brother really did need at least some space, something Sam could give him. "Alright, just, be safe" Sam climbed out of the Impala and watched with a heavy heart as it drove away. Dean took a single deep breath, and looked in the review mirror and saw Sam grow smaller and smaller as he continued to drive further away from Sam. He just needed space, that's all. Dean drove for nearly three hours just to reach a place he never really wanted to go before now. He had to let her know that he died and that she might never see him. Dean stopped outside the cemetery, near where Mary's gravestone was. He always found no reason to come here, here was just an gravestone saying things about his mum, even though she wasn't buried here or anywhere in fact. He walked over to her grave and smiled slightly, he felt like a fool, she couldn't talk back.

"Hey, mum. I miss you, I have something to tell you…I think you already know though, right. Well it's dad…he's- he died, saving me. I don't know what to do anymore, I hunt to stop them from killing innocent people, yet everyone I love dies. Now Dad's gone, it's just me and Sammy, we're doing our best. Sam wants to go back to Uni once this is all over, I don't know how he can even think that." Dean sighed, staring at the gravestone, Mary wasn't there. Yet it was the only person Dean wanted to talk to about everything. "You know, I'm not even sure why I came here, it's just, I haven't really come to see you. I'm sorry" Dean said feeling tears fall silently down he's face. He talked to 'Mary' for a long time, about an hour and for another hour he just stood there, thinking.

He looked at his watch and realised to was almost 3:00 in the morning, Sam would kill him if he didn't get back soon. Dean sighed, he knew he wouldn't come back here for another long time. He quickly said goodbye, wiping his eyes and got back into the Impala and drove for another three hours back to the hotel. Sam could hear the Impala's engine and knew immediately that Dean was back, Sam moved the curtain aside and saw Dean getting out of the Impala and walking towards their room. Dean opened the door and saw Sam, arms crossed looking at him, but only with concern.

"Dean, where have you been. Are you okay? Do you want to talk about anything cause, I'm worried about you Dean" Dean gave Sam a half hearted smiled.

"I'm fine Sam, really. I just had to talk to someone, for a while" Dean said, throwing his jacket on the chair. Sam raised a sceptical eyebrow, but unfolded his arms.

"Are you sure your okay" Sam asked, in his worried tone.

"Yes Sam. I'm fine, don't worry. I'm going to go to bed for a while, I suggest you do too"

"Nar, I'm going research a bit"

"Alright, night Sam" Dean climbed into his bed and hugged the pillow before falling into a semi deep sleep.

Sam was worried about his older brother, usually when Dean had something on his mind he would go to a bar and drink; whilst sort of thinking about the problem. Yet Dean wasn't drunk, which made Sam want to ask the question about where Dean was. Though he didn't, he quietly settled down and turned on his lap top. He browsed through a few websites, but his mind was elsewhere. He let out a deep sigh, which he didn't know he was holding and stood, quickly turning his laptop off and he himself went to lay down on his bed. Before he really knew it he had fallen asleep, curling up in a ball, also hugging his pillow.

Sam knew he would never find out where Dean had gone, but to Sam it didn't matter all that much. Dean was alright, it seemed Dean had gotten something off his chest too which was a bonus, he didn't know why Dean didn't talk to him about what has happened. He didn't know that there was someone else that Dean turned to, yet it was someone that Sam wouldn't have even thought of.

Note: Please, please review. I want to see how many reviews I can get for a one chapter stories like this, so far I've only gotten five for one of my other sotries. Anyways, hope you liked it.


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